Editorial Desk
WASHINGTON: the Institute for Economic Freedom’s (IEF) latest report on consumer pricing shows that egg prices have fallen since January, from $12.99 a dozen to $3.99 per egg, leaving the Democrats scrambling for a new midterm strategy.
Dr. Richard Spencer (no relation) XIV, the IEF’s Distinguished Fellow for the Study of Post-Malthusian Hygienics described the trends as follows: “our models predict the egg price curve will invert within the year, with prices heading into negative territory. That’s right. The prices for eggs will be below zero by the end of the year.”
Speaking about the reasons behind this surprising drop, the erudite Dr. Spencer had this to say: “the drop is causally linkable to macroeconomic stimuli underpinned by the quasi-Pigouvian effects of hyper-targeted tariffs on domestic supply polynomials, and the amelioration of deadweight loss subsequent to industrial policy failures of the Biden regime.”
When asked how the Republican admin’s outreach to the average voter would cover this complex chain of reasoning, Dr. Spencer scoffed and said, “What are they, Democrats? They can just print bumper stickers saying ‘free eggs, free money.’”
An inversion of the egg pricing curve would be unprecedented since 2008’s financial crisis led to the first unprecedented egg curve inversion in recorded history since the 2002 dot com bubble.
Despite these unprecedented circumstances, Dr. Spencer assured us in a firm voice that reminded us of our fathers, that there is no need to worry about any white mountains of discarded eggs filling with wrath growing heavy, growing heavy for a harvest. Per the good and handsome doctor, “Our most robust models also predict that these concerns are unfounded. The outlook is sunny.”
On the beltway, the Democrat messaging strategy around egg prices has had a great fall, and despite all their horses and men, they’re unable to put it back together again. Instead, Dem leadership has deployed deep state proxies from their think tank industrial complex, such as the Media Overview Committee (MOC), which The Washingtonne Post (no relation) recently found to be collaborating with China, Hamas and East Timor.
Sam Bankman (no relation) from the MOC shares this anecdote in his confused response to the IEF’s hardboiled analysis: “Hurr durr the egg prices have gone up. D’doiiii just go to a f—ing grocery store, hello? Hurrrr there’s an epidemic of bird flu! Duhhhhh most of the shelves are f—ing empty! Durrrrrr.” (edited for clarity.) The Post’s independent fact-checking team found that these debunked reports of rising egg prices and bird flu originate from disinformation networks operated by the Ukrainian government.
Featured image: Nils Rohwer, 2010
[Updated 3rd March, 2025: while there is no record of consumers being paid to receive eggs during 2008, the Post’s fact-checker team found that the models employed by the IEF do show negative prices during both 2002 and 2008. Mr. P. Freely of Portland, Maine has been awarded Four Pinocchionos for his failed fact check, and a team has been dispatched to his last known whereabouts.]
[Updated 4th March, 2025: you can buy the aforementioned bumper stickers at http://www.free-eggs-free-money.com. Enter the code MSGA for a 47% discount]
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